Be Mine

Valentine's Day.

Was there anything else on your mind? If you're single and North American, I'm betting not. This year, I'm noticing (with the help of things like Facebook statuses and textsfromlastnight.com) just how much the holiday affects people without "significant others." No other holiday has people acknowledging it, and then not, with such vehemence. Last time I checked, there was no such thing as Singles Awareness Day written on my calender. Now, apparently, it's also the Chinese new year or the lunar new year or something. All accurate, I'm sure. But the source - the reason people are commenting on this is because it's Valentine's Day.

No other holiday is really like that. We don't hear, on Father's Day, passionate claims to Bastard's Awareness Day. Perhaps that is too derogatory. How about a Halloween change-up for those who don't feel like trick-or-treating? Enjoy the Skin You're In Day, or Healthy Eater's Awareness Day.

They would seem a bit... petty. Not that the expression of Singles Awareness is meant to be petty. In the best of cases, it is instead meant to be the opposite - empowering.

But something doesn't quite sit right. I cannot help but wonder why we are not simply dismissive of a holiday that we claim does not apply to us. I do not notice when Hanukkah starts, because I simply don't care. Perhaps it is because of corporatism. You don't see Hanukkah everywhere. You do see those damnable little hearts, and those delicious overpriced chocolates.

And you see the quotes about love. All of those beautiful little quips about how love is important, or what it is, or how it keeps us warm. Near my house, on the way to my coffee shop, there is a little stone gift with the engraving "love is friendship set on fire." That's been my favorite this year. They're not necessarily philosophically accurate, but they've got that magical spirit that keeps us alive. Or keeps us puking.

Funny that here, where love has the most potential to be celebrated - because it is the most blatantly the focus of the holiday - it suffers the loudest criticism. Does one need to be in a relationship to celebrate love? Does one need to have someone in their sights before they can appreciate and rejoice in the power of lust and the utter confusion of the heart? I don't think so. It just means I save the price of a diamond necklace.

I'm not a Christian, and I celebrate Christmas just fine. Same with a lot of people. One of my favorite holidays.

Commonly heard at weddings, and quoted in flower shops this time of year, Corinthians reminds us of the core of real love: "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

It doesn't say anything about being bitter. And it doesn't say anything about these feelings being irrelevant to people who qualify for Singles Awareness. Hell, though renowned for it's use as "vows" it doesn't say a single thing about needing a particular partner to appreciate it. That fact, I might add, is what makes it such great script(ure) for vows.

I can hear the distinction that Valentine's Day is about more than just love. It's about two people, falling in love, being in love. It's about being able to express how much you love someone else and how much they mean to you. And that, they say just makes us who don't have that special someone more aware that we don't have it. We're not upset at the concept of love, we're just lonely, or inescapably fixed on our lack of a partner.

The only person really focusing is you. Sure, the billboards all highlight significant others, but they're highlighting (and capitalizing on) love. Not on your singlehood. Why don't we do the same? Love is an expression of our finest will, and our emotion. What we choose to celebrate is an expression of what we value. When picking between celebrating love and falling in love or a focus on being single I think I'll pick love. I prefer to celebrate being single anytime I hear a married couple fight. It doesn't make much sense to do it the other way around.

Your love is meant to be pure. It is meant to be patient and kind and to never keep a record of wrongs. Do not wait to have a partner to express that. Express it now, when it really means something: be patient for all of the people that you can love in your lifetime, be kind to yourself by realizing how much you have to give regardless of the opportunity, and keep no record of all the times when you could have loved but had no beloved. Even on Valentine's Day.

Be mine. Be Yours,
- Z