Waving Hello

Just the other day, my sister asked me about my love life.

There's something in the brisk autumn air these days. It's not romance, but romance certainly has a lot to do with it. Romance, baby making, adventure finding, family building, getting old, they're all symptoms of a time where we are finding our rightful place.

5 or 6 months ago, my sister would not have outright, out of the blue, asked about my relationships with women. She certainly would not have phrased it "how's your love life?" Maybe a poking or a prodding about a girl I had been mentioning a lot. Or she might give me one of those looks when I drop a feminine name. Sometimes, she'd reciprocate, when I asked her. But this making-it-a-subject was new.

5 or 6 months ago, I was telling a friend of mine (one of those feminine names I dropped), that I felt like the world followed one of those fancy math wave functions. The ones that go up and down and up and down. That is to say, the world went from a place of change, to a place of stagnation, and then back to a place of change, etc etc. She asked me to clarify - if I meant my world, or what. I replied that I meant the whole world. Everyone does. 6 degrees of separation, if you're familiar with it, must also link us to being influenced similarly by the world. What happens to any of us is only 6 degrees away from affecting all of us.

At the time, I believed I felt that the world was entering a new stage of change. A period of stagnation was ending. I cited my proofs for her: the economy was entering or in the middle of a recession, people were quitting, new policies had just finished being enacted at work, I had surgery around the corner, my friends had kids on the way, some friends had just broken up or were about to get together.

I don't like to brag, but I was right. Take a look at the last year, and tell me it wasn't so for you or for someone you know.

And I think it's coming to an end. Our parents teach us that the world is not black and white. They are right at least with regard to this - change will not suddenly cease, just as it did not suddenly appear. There is no starting line, and no ending line. So, while I suggest to you that a period of stagnation is coming, that doesn't mean that I think, in a few weeks, we'll all settle down. It means, I think things are resolving, and will continue to resolve into the intangible future. We'll know it's happened when we wake up one day, and things are again changing for us - changing in that strange fundamental way that we notice.

I see my friends with their children in hands, their onward journey to creating a family well underway. I hear that acquaintances have finally acquired that job they wanted. Others are booking plane tickets. Buying houses. Going to school. Getting married. These are things that require diligence to a particular lifestyle.

Stagnation is a terrible word. It makes it sound like a deplorable fate - the "down" of the up-down-up-down of the world. But I don't think it has to be. Just like there is good and bad change, there is good and bad stagnation. And, as I've listed above, there's a lot of good things that have happened. I honestly get the feeling that this next period of our lives will be dominated by the cultivating of those lifestyles, and not the changing of them.

So, when my sister asks me about my love life, my first thoughts are not about explaining to her my views on being single-by-choice and what I would require from a partner. They're about the change in what's just happened between us. Her asking earnestly about me and love, my giving her honest discussion about guys and commitment... that's a lifestyle change that I want to cultivate.

They say in the big, blue, standardized heart-surgery booklet that after a big operation a patient often re-evaluates their life and makes significant changes. Anyone who watches Hollywood movies can tell you that. But when I got back to my apartment, I have to say, I discovered the cliché had things a little backwards. I didn't suddenly notice all the things in my life I wanted to change. I noticed what had already changed. Life doesn't stop, and so with my changed circumstances and return, I noticed how life had re-evaluated me.

Most changes I adore - and I hope that in their upcoming period of cultivation, I continue to get to play the role I do. I certainly intend to, with glee. And the changes I don't like, and can’t do anything about, I will stoically accept. Because it feels like the world is almost finished hitting the "reset" button, and is at a new starting line.

My sister and I are certainly getting ready for this race. We Websters are particularly good at it. And friends, I've got a feeling about this one.

- Z